Chasing The Moon

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11/16/09--22:04: Putting it on (chan 2250179)

I've put on a bit of weight this month. I don't know how much but I feel really uncomfortable and my clothes are getting tight. It's because we have been eating out ALOT more than normal. So no more eating out...time to get back on the Wii Fit and I'm really hoping I get my elliptical machine for xmas.

My doggie goes into get neutered tomorrow. Surgery always makes me nervous so it's going to be a rough day for me until he is home with me.









11/18/09--23:29: Wordless Wednesday - Taking A Break (chan 2250179)

Wordless Wednesday










11/19/09--14:32: Happy Holiday Swag Contest (chan 2250179)

There's a great giveaway going on over at Michelle Zink.

Here is the swag up for grabs:

$25 Hot Topic gift card

$15 iTunes gift card

Rose t-shirt

Black-and-white checkered scarf

Gothis choker

Set of earrings including the awesome rose ones!

Candle

Signed Prophecy of the Sisters locker poster

Prophecy of the Sisters locker magnet

Prophecy of the Sisters bookmark

Kazoo

August Rush DVD

Music & Lyrics DVD

Edward Scissorhands DVD

Tons of candy including a mini-gum ball machine, Mentos, a King-size KitKat, bag of Lindt white chocolate truffles, and MOAR!


Libba Bray’s Gemma Doyle Trilogy including a Great and Terrible Beauty, Rebel Angels, and The Sweet Far Thing

Tamora Pearce’s Terrier and Bloodhound, the first two books in the Bekka Cooper series

Lisa Mantchev’s Eyes Like Stars

Prophecy of the Sisters audiobook narrated by the incomparable Eliza Dushku

Enter Here









11/23/09--22:37: A much needed update (chan 2250179)


I've been trying to sit down and write for days but I've been so busy. My daughter's teething has started pick up again and she is extremely clingy, especially with me. So she is pretty much with me constantly and never wants to sleep which means I'm up all night again.

The decorations are coming together nicely. I'm seeing more and more trees being put up so I don't feel so weird for having mine up already.

So I kind of got stuck in a rut this month. I was going out to eat almost every day and I put on a bit of weight. I don't know how much because I don't weigh myself (I'll get obsessive about it). But I know I did because I felt it. One of the reasons I started this blog was to accept myself more, especially my appearance and my body. But when is enough enough? I don't mind being a plus size girl, I really am starting to love my curves but I also want to be healthy. Healthy for me and for my daughter. I want to be around for her and I want to keep up with her and be more active with her. After eating out so much I found myself struggling to go up the stairs everyday, getting out of breath a lot and just feeling horrible. I vowed not to eat out anymore and if for some reason I am stuck in a position where I don't have a choice but to eat at one of these places, then I'll only get a small size or just a salad. There's always an alternative.

And I still want my elliptical for Xmas...mostly because that's the only thing I enjoyed at the gym when I went and my goal is to do some type of exercise everyday. I get bored easily when it comes to exercise so I'm trying to have a variety of things around. I can't really stand putting in a DVD and working out to it but I did get a few belly dancing DVD's and a striptease DVD. They seem different and fun.

Did anyone see the new Ipod Nano? It has a pedometer . I want one for this reason alone. I used to have a cell phone that had a pedometer and I loved it. But I switched to Verizon and even though they have great coverage, I hate their phones.

The dog-baby made it through his neuter great. He was weird for a few days but he is back to himself and is healing great. But he didn't take to me leaving him there so well. Let's just stay the staff at vet's office is scared of him and even made me go back and get him out of holding area. He's still a big teddy bear at home. I still wish I would had got it done earlier when he was still a pup instead of a big guy.

The re-painting of the aquarium is taking longer than I expected. I really thought I would have it done in a day. Well it's been 2 days now...I'm hoping to finish everything by this weekend. The fish seem to be settling fine. I've lost 3. Two "feeder" goldfish and a guppy. One of the balloon mollies seems to be pregnant. And I'm slowly adding live plants, the only downside of that is that my heater quit working recently so now I have to get another heater, mainly for any plants. I really love "natural" looking aquariums. Something along the lines of this is the goal.


Another thing I am aiming to do at least 3 times a week is meditate and also start drawing a daily tarot card everyday. I find it so hard to do anything anymore. I feel like I never have time.

Hope all of you are doing great!











11/25/09--07:26: Free Personalized Photobook (chan 2250179)

Just a quick post to let everyone know about a great freebie.

Head over to Photoworks and be one of the first 25,000 to create a 20 page personalized photo book ($39.95 value) FREE plus FREE shipping. Use coupon code BONNIE at the checkout (courtesy of the Bonnie Hunt show).

The total came to $52 with shipping and once I entered the code it was free. It does ask for a payment option. I just put in paypal and it didn't ask me for any information.








12/02/09--08:50: Thanksgiving Update (chan 2250179)



Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was simple and nice, just the way I like it. My daughter was able to try a little bit of everything and she loved it.

She's still teething fairly bad which means I have been getting no more than 4 hours of a sleep a day. I say day because she no longer sleeps at night, at all. She goes to sleep between 7-9am. It's been rough but I know it's worth it.




In other news, my fish tank has been struck with some type of fungus. I have lost over half of my fish in 2 days. I was really upset with the loss of one of my bettas. The one that was in the picture a few posts back. I'm treating the water with medicine and doing the 25% water changes. It seems to be working. Most of the fish seem a lot more energetic. There was one I knew that wasn't going to make it. That was my Shubunkin. No matter what I did it would just lay in the bottom of the tank, not wanting to move or anything. I just got done doing a water change and it wasn't looking good at all so I decided to wait and watch for a few minutes and I watched that poor fish take it's last breath. I've decided that whatever fish do make it through this are the only fish I'm having for awhile. I'm going to work on growing plants in the tank for awhile and if I can manage to do good with them and keep them growing good then I'll get more fish. I still have my 2 other male bettas off by themselves in separate tanks.

The pup is doing great. He's back to himself and he just got a booster shot yesterday so he is done at the vet for awhile. Which I'm sure he is really happy about.

We are going to get our H1N1 vaccines tomorrow. I've debated about it for months but after all that thinking I decided it was best just to get the shot. I always get the regular flu shot and I even get a pneumonia shot every few years. I have bad asthma and I was constantly in hospitals when I young for pneumonia's so I think I'll take my chance with this shot rather take my chance with that flu and naturally I want my daughter to be safe and I had her get the regular flu shot so I'm going to have her get this shot also. I made an appointment for the boyfriend but I don't know if he will actually go since he has never had a flu shot.

I've been writing down ideas of things to write about. It seems I'll just have random things pop in my head but I never have time to actually sit down and write so I've been saving them in notepad. It seems like whenever I sit down to write that I'm to tired to do anything but update. But I do promise some more interesting and thoughtful posts. It's just hard with the teething issue right now. Hopefully a few teeth will pop through soon and things will go back to normal for a few weeks until it starts up again, at least that's how it's been going.

And by the way...did you notice the new look? I actually like it ALOT. I'm still adding a few things here and there when I find the time. I think I tested just about everything out and everything should be working fine. Comments should be working since we all know that is the biggest thing I have trouble with whenever I change my layout around. And in case you didn't notice, the link to leave a comment is at the top of the posts now, right next to the tags.

All photo's in this post are from here.








12/04/09--11:35: Stressed (chan 2250179)


I'm a bit stressed out right now. Our landlord has decided to sell our house, this was a bit of a surprise. She said she would give us a chance to buy it first but we found out today that she was going to give us 2 weeks before she lists it. That seems impossible. Technically we are considered low income so that just makes it harder to buy a house. I don't want to move again. I love it here. On top of that if we did have to move we would have to move far away because our area is getting drilled for gas right now and that has made the average rent payment triple. There's no way we can afford to rent a place here. Plus we have pets, it's hard to find a place that will let you have pets. I refuse to give up my pets, they are a part of my family.

I felt like things were finally good. I have my daughter, a nice house, my family, money is tight (but it always is) but it's not horrible and now I might be losing my home.

I have no idea what to do right now








12/07/09--09:13: A better me (chan 2250179)

I still don't know whats going on with the house situation yet. I'm trying not to worry too much. I don't need anymore stress in my life. I try to keep myself as stress free as possible and with the family situations going on right now I have enough stress for a lot of people. I won't get into the family problems. At least not right now.



Anyway, I find myself reading more blogs related to fitness and health. I've been working out everyday and I'm really proud of myself. The Wii really makes working out fun. These are my favorites right now:




The Pilates is probably my least favorite but only because there's no guidance at all. With the other games there's instructions and guidance throughout the exercises and with the Pilates it's just straight to it. I find myself looking at the screen constantly to see what's going on (which isn't so good in a lot of positions) because there's no on there to tell you to switch it up or to do this now or to do that. But I do like the exercises a lot.

The Biggest Loser didn't have very many good reviews when I purchased it. But I said screw it because I love The Biggest Loser and I wanted to try it. I'm glad I bought it. It really gets me sweating, especially the challenges.

I really want this:

Though I'm not sure how happy I'll be see myself on the tv doing the exercises. Then again it might be great motivation. It's a little pricey right now so it'll be awhile before I can get it.


The only thing I'm really concentrating on right now is exercising. I have to take it slow or I will get way too obsessed and wrapped up in it and my goal of becoming healthier will turn into something else. I tend to go extreme when it comes to things like this. I have never been able to find that balance in the middle. I've been on the dark side of dieting and weight loss way too many times and was even diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was a teen. That's a huge reason I don't keep a scale in my house and I never will. And it's probably a big reason I have such a hard time loving myself. But now that I am a mother that's a side that I can never go back to. I have to find that healthy balance.

I've been making slow changes in my diet. I used to never drink soda up until a few years ago. I don't even like it that much but I find myself drinking it and feeling like crap. So I limited myself to 1 can a week and eventually I'll go back to not drinking it all anymore. And I've started eating more fruits and veggies. Those are the only changes I made to my diet for now and they will be the only changes I'll make until they become normal for me. Once that happens I'll move on to a few other small changes.


Photos from here







12/17/09--19:10: What have I become? (chan 2250179)


I haven't really been busy. I've been tired. I think I may have gotten my daughter on a normal sleeping schedule though. She has been sleeping from 8pm till 6am. Sometimes longer. We've made a few changes, apparently at least one of them is working. She now getting whole milk with her formula to get her ready to be on only whole milk when she turns a year. She's getting more regular food instead of just baby food and she's starting to walk.
The family issue, which I didn't discuss, is getting a lot better. I've just learned to let certain things go. It really isn't worth it.
So, last night I got in a confrontation with someone and they made a few comments about my relationship. At first I was mad but then I thought about it for awhile and I think they were right to certain extent. I think sometimes I put way too much on my boyfriend. I think there are times when I ask too much of him. I had to look back and try to figure out when I became this way. I was never this way. I would never ask anyone for anything. I think it was when I became pregnant. When I got pregnant suddenly everyone was telling me not to do this or do that and to sit and rest. I hated it at first but I guess I got used to it and that's how I've been since. Obviously that needs to change. I need to step up and do my part more. I started doing that immediately. I hate that I became lazy. I'm really ashamed of it, I never thought I would turn into this. I have an amazing boyfriend and I need to show him that and not treat him like he is just around to do stuff for me.



Well that was really eating away at me yesterday. I really love this man and I was ashamed of myself so I consulted my cards. I dug out a deck I haven't used yet. Angel Blessings cards. I bought these awhile ago from a forum and never used them but I was drawn to them last night. I pretty much just asked what I needed to do to get past this issue with myself and make my relationship with my boyfriend better. Aside from The Faeries Oracle I have never felt this connected to cards. They were so right on and they were so easy to read. I know they are aimed at a more Christian audience but I love them and plan on using them a lot more. They addressed my issues with holding things back and putting walls up (which I do because of traumatic events in my life) and how I need to work on that and how to work on that and once I do that my relationship with myself will improve and automatically relationships with others will improve. It's like those 3 cards that I drew just lined up so perfectly and addressed the real issue so well.




I haven't been able to workout this week. I've been so tired and my daughter usually slept in the morning and I would use that time to work out but now she is up in the morning and she will not let me do anything. So I'm still trying to figure out a time schedule to workout. I feel really crappy since I haven't been working out. I did manage to only have a side salad tonight when everyone went to McDonalds. My body image is so up and down anymore. Some days I feel great about how I look and I feel confident and some days I just feel so fat,frumpy and just uncomfortable in my own body.
Yule is coming up very fast. I still have no idea what I'm doing. What's everyone else doing?









12/29/09--21:18: Article 15 (chan 2250179)

You'll have to excuse the lack of updates. I've been pretty sick lately and so has my daughter. We're just starting to get over whatever it is we have. Hopefully I can update alot more now. I'm off to catch up on all the blogs I've missed out on reading lately.








12/29/09--22:30: I NEED to workout (chan 2250179)

Did I mention I am going nuts not being able to workout? Between being sick and my daughter constantly changing her sleeping schedule and being really clingy, I have zero time to workout. But it's driving me insane, I am going to make time to workout.









01/03/10--00:13: Something finally clicked (chan 2250179)

I hope everyone had a great Yule and a great Xmas.




And Happy New Year! I hope it's a great one for everyone.

This was my daughters first Xmas and I loved it. I now have a reason to look forward to the holidays again. She is going to be 1 in a few days. I can't believe it. The first year goes so fast.

Yule was ok for me. I didn't get to do anything special because I was sick. How was the blue moon for everyone? I couldn't even see the moon from where I am.



I can't believe how cold it is this weekend. It is 10 degrees outside right now. It's unreal. I'm not a fan of the cold, I just want to lay in bed and not move. I am a fan of snow though. At least looking at it. We finally got some snow. I am so happy. It's so beautiful outside.



I think something clicked inside me the other night. I've been doing my best to work out when I have the time. Which wasn't very much because my daughter has gone back to the "up all night" sleeping schedule. I was sitting with her the other night and she was looking at me saying "momma momma" and I told her I loved her and she leaned in and kissed me. And called me momma and smiled. Perhaps her way of saying she loves me too? I think so. I can't tell you how I felt at that moment. I fought back tears. I was so happy. Then something clicked. I have to make a change with my life because I have gained way too much weight and I am too heavy. I need to take weight off and make positive diet changes and make a life change so I can be around for a long time for my daughter. I need to be a role model for her. I need to eat healthier because she is eating what I eat and I want her to be healthy. I need to exercise because I want her to realize that exercise is important and it can be fun. I only have one body and it may never look perfect but I need to love it and I need to treat it right and stop abusing it with junk food and laziness. My body has put up with a lot and it even provided a home for this beautiful little girl until it was her time to enter this world. I want to have more kids someday and I need to be healthy enough to do that. I need to be able to run around and play with my daughter. I need to be a strong, healthy person. I decided there was really no excuse to not exercise aside from being sick. Not having time was not an excuse. I'll make time. Her daddy takes her for an hour so I can workout. I've managed to workout everyday so far. I feel great and I love THAT glow you get after you workout. I can do this everyday. But I'm sure you will hear tons more about my journey.


Guess what was waiting for me on my front porch last week!





and






I was chosen by House Party to host a party and review these games as well as some Mousse Temptations by JELL-O. I was totally surprised. I haven't checked my email in over a week so I wasn't aware that I was chosen. I'm not sure what to think of YourShape yet. I've only used it a few times (I love my Wii Fit Plus and Biggest Loser). The few times I did use it the camera wasn't that great. It would constantly let me know I wasn't doing the exercises right (and maybe I wasn't) but then there were times when I wasn't even moving, I was watching the exercise to see what I was doing wrong, and it would tell me I was doing it great. I think I may need more lighting in my room to fix this. I have set up a 2 week program on it and I'm going to add another lamp and then we'll see what I think of it. However, Just Dance is a TON of fun. Everyone plays it and you can play with multiple people and if you are out of shape like me you can get a little workout doing the dance routines and it's a lot of fun. I wish there was more music though.

Anyone have any tips of getting a 1 year old to sleep on a normal schedule? I hate being up all night and sleeping all day. I've tried to break her cycle and it will last maybe a week and it's right back to the all night schedule. I can't just let her cry because she won't fall asleep and she cries to the point where she throws up and is gasping for air. She really hates sleeping and nothing is working. I'm exhausted.


I have a book I won to review yet. I'll do that in another entry. I hope everyone is doing great.











01/06/10--04:25: Love Inspired Body Care Recipes (chan 2250179)

I know this is a bit early but I received it in my email today and I wanted to share it:

Love Inspired Body Care Recipes




Image Source


Brown Sugar & Vanilla Body Scrub

A sweet smelling body scrub which will leave your skin feeling silky smooth.

1 cup organic brown sugar

1/2 cup organic granulated sugar

1/2 cup + 3 TBSP organic Sunflower oil

1/2 tsp organic Vanilla flavoring extract

Blend sugars together in a bowl, add oil and vanilla extract, and mix well. Package in jars, and enjoy!



Lover's Delight Massage Oil

A floral, earthen, exotic, and sweet blend which will appeal to women and
men alike.

1/2 cup organic Jojoba oil

20 drops organic Lavender essential oil

15 drops organic Cedarwood essential oil

2 drop organic Ylang Ylang essential oil

Drop all essential oils into a glass bottle, add Jojoba oil, and roll bottle between palms to blend oils. Decorate with a ribbon and pretty label if desired. Shake well before each use.



Rose & Geranium Bath Bombs

Enjoy taking a bath with these fun and fizzy aromatic bath bombs.

1 cup Baking Soda

1/2 cup Citric Acid

1/2 cup Epsom Salt

1 TBSP organic Rose Hydrosol or water

1 tsp organic Olive oil

Dried organic Rose petals

20 drops organic Geranium essential oil

Combine dry ingredients together in a large bowl. Slowly drizzle in Olive Oil and essential oil while stirring to prevent fizzing. Slowly spritz with hydrosol while stirring constantly until the mixture begins to clump together. The blend should be just moist enough to hold when pressed together with your hands, be careful not to add too much moisture. Add rose petals, press into molds, and allow to dry 2-3 hours before unmolding. Let bath bombs cure for one week before using them, then store in an airtight container. You can shape your bath bombs by using a melon baller, ice, candy or soap molds, clear plastic two-sided Christmas ornaments, egg cartons or anything else you have on hand.



Sweet Lavender Bath Salts

Floral and relaxing, these salts are a perfect addition to any bath.

1 cup Salt (Epsom, Sea Salt, Dead
Sea Salt, or a mixture)

1/4 cup Baking Soda

20 drops organic Lavender essential oil

1 TBSP organic Lavender flowers

Mix salt and baking soda together in a large bowl. Add essential oil and Lavender flowers, blend well. Package in a jar, or use right away.

Recipe written by Irene Wolansky.

All content Copyright Mountain Rose Herbs









01/10/10--10:32: Trying to break my addiction (chan 2250179)




A post over at The Token Fat Girl has really hit home with me and has been on my mind. It's about binge eating and eating in secret. I used to be really bad with eating in secret. I had a friend who had the same issue and we would go from fast food place to fast food place and get food and go sit somewhere away from everyone and eat and then throw the garbage away at the first garbage can we found so no one would ever know it happened and we never talked about it or even acknowledged what we were doing so it was easy to pretend nothing was going on. We even went to the gym together. Funny huh? Some days were great. We would do our workout and I'd go home and have a healthy snack or meal and some days we would workout and go binge together. I remember many nights eating when everyone was asleep and taking the evidence outside to the garbage so no one would know and then acting dumb when people would ask where the food went. I got to the point where I would never eat in front of anyone and I would only eat in private. If I had to go out and eat with the family, I wouldn't eat. I would just sit there with a drink and take some food home with me. I always felt like people were watching the "fat" girl eat and seeing how much I was eating and what I was eating.
I try to think back and see where this came from. It's been going on since I was a teenager. What in my childhood triggered this? I can remember not having a choice in how much I ate or what I ate when I was younger. We lived with my grandparents for awhile and when dinner was done you got a plate with everything on it and no matter what was on that plate or how much was on it you did not leave the table until it was gone. It didn't matter if you were full or if you didn't like that food. Wasting food was one of the worst things you could do. I sat at that table for 6 hours one night finishing my food that I absolutely hated. I've been obese since I was 5, surely this must have something to do with it.
Once we moved away from my grandparents my mom would act greedy with food. I was still expected to eating everything on my plate but my mom would hide food in her bedroom and I would have to ask permission to have some. She would also lock the freezer at night so no one could eat without her knowing. If she caught me up in the middle of the night trying to find something to eat I would get yelled at. The only things my mom ever hid in her bedroom were chips, cupcakes, soda and candy. My mom is very addicted to anything sweet and soda...even to this day.



Image Source

Once I moved into my own place my eating was fine. I ate what I pleased, when I pleased. Then I started not eating at all. I lived on rice cakes, jello, tea and water. I lost a lot of weight really quickly. I didn't work out once and I managed to lose about 60 pounds in just a few months. Then my anxiety really started to take over and I was put on a mix of pills to control it. These pills made me sleep about 18 hours a day so naturally I ate even less.
Then I got pregnant and something clicked inside me. I ate extremely healthy during my pregnancy but I gained 50lbs. I stopped my anxiety meds as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I may have ate healthy but I ate a lot. I had my daughter and I lost 40 pounds really quickly without trying. And somehow gained it back in a few short months.



Image Source

So here I am.....
pretty much learning how to eat "properly" for the sake of my daughter. I'm learning to eat new and healthier things, learning to eat only when I'm actually hungry, learning that it's ok not to eat everything on your plate and learning that I don't have to eat in private. Learning to control myself.

I've always been jealous of people who eat normal. For me food is like a drug. It's an addiction I've been trying to break my whole life. I seen myself act like a complete addict. It's the easiest addiction to hide and probably the hardest to break. Because I can't just give up food. I have to find a way to live with food, to have a healthy relationship with food.

And it's really messed up because everyday I am constantly struggling between eating way too much and not eating at all. I try to hold that balance every day. I have never been able to stay in that middle. It's always been one extreme or another.

I found this on photobucket:


This is so me. This is what I am trying to fix.

This entry has turned into more than I expected but I always be brutally honest about myself and this was really painful for me to write about. I have another really traumatic event in my life I hope to be able to write about someday but right now I can't even say the words out loud. But I know writing about this stuff and getting it out there and dealing with it is the only way I can be complete and heal.









01/15/10--10:53: Ice Lanterns (chan 2250179)

I found this and I just have to share:

How to make ice lanterns


How to make cranberry ice lanterns










01/23/10--13:36: Article 9 (chan 2250179)

You'll have to excuse the lack of updates. Some horrible sickness is working its way through the household and everyone is really sick right now. We had to take my daughter to the ER last night (early this morning). She was puking non stop all night and couldn't hold anything down. It's the worse feeling in the world, to see your child so sick and not be able to do anything.
I hope everyone else is doing great and hopefully not sick like us.









03/19/10--23:14: Article 8 (chan 2250179)





Sorry for the severe lack of updates. I still read all the blogs and you might get a comment from me every now and then but for now I'm working on myself and I don't really have the time or energy to write.









04/15/10--02:21: A new beginning (chan 2250179)


Life has taken an unexpected turn.




This was really unexpected. I'm feeling so many emotions right now. I need some time to really let it sink in.







05/19/10--05:27: Pregnancy update (chan 2250179)

I know it's been awhile but as soon as I posted the last entry, my hard drive went in my laptop. I posted that entry and got offline and when I tried to get back on later, I couldn't. It took me a few weeks to get a new one. And then last night my external hard drive got fried. I'm having no luck. I'm not upset that I have to buy a new because they aren't that much, I'm just upset that everything that was important to me was on there. But that's life. I'll just have to buy another one and this time I will save what's really important (pictures of family and friends) to more than just that hard drive.
So I still haven't seen a doctor for this pregnancy yet. My normal doctor is moving so he referred to someone else. The doctor who did the c-section for my daughter, however, he is extremely difficult to get into see. After waiting over a month, I'll get to see him next week. I really think I'm a lot farther along than my original doctor calculated. When I first took a pregnancy test at the doctors office and it came back positive, the doctor kept asking if I was sure that my last period was normal because the test came back very strong for only being 4-5 weeks along. Thankfully, I actually track my menstrual cycles and I think I may be 16 weeks instead of the 10 weeks they have me at now. I can't wait to finally get an ultrasound and know for sure. I feel a lot farther along than 10 weeks. I'm uncomfortable and my blood pressure has been up and down and I swear I've felt small amount of movement over the past few weeks. With my daughter I felt great at 10 weeks. If I'm really feeling this bad at 10 weeks then this is going to be a rough pregnancy. Being a bigger girl, I tend not to get that cute baby bump until around 8 months along so I can never say for sure if I'm showing more but I feel like I am. I've been eating pretty healthy, with the exception to caving to a few cravings and at my last appointment I was down 5 pounds but now my pants are getting tight.
With my daughter I gained a lot of weight and I was hoping that if I just ate healthy then I wouldn't gain much this time. So when I see my pants getting tight at just 10 weeks, it's kind of depressing. I know I'm pregnant and I should expect to get bigger but being a bigger girl, they really don't expect you to gain much, if any at all during pregnancy. There's not much I can do right now except eat healthy and take a walk everyday.
I can't tell you how much I miss my elliptical machine. I was doing really good before I got pregnant. I felt great and the weight was coming off. I had not had any junk food or anything bad in about 2 months. I loved working out and eating super healthy because I felt great.
I had mix feelings about finding out I was pregnant. Obviously, it's another baby so I'm happy about that. However, it wasn't planned and I was hoping to shed a bit of weight to make my next pregnancy easier. Plus it was going to bring my work outs down. I'm scared more than anything because of my weight and because my blood pressure was going up for a few weeks. I have no clue how it's been lately, I've been taking my medicine so hopefully it's good. High blood pressure, especially when you're pregnant is really scary. And it doesn't help to have to wait this long to see a doctor. Plus I know I'm going to have to have another c-section, which I HATE. I had so much trouble with the epidurals and spinals (It took 3 tries of each to finally get one to take) and then being strapped down to a table, not feeling your lower body and not being able to move is really stressful for me. It takes everything in me not to panic.
There's not much I can do now except try to eat really healthy and try to walk everyday. Hopefully next time I update, I'll know for sure when I am due and have some answers and feel better about everything











09/06/10--06:36: A small update on things (chan 2250179)

Wow I didn't realize it had been this long since I last wrote on here.
I'm in my 6th month of pregnancy now. And it's a boy! And I'm hoping it stays that way lol It's been an ok pregnancy so far. Had an issue with blood pressure early on but with meds it's be under control. The baby is about 2lbs by now and it's taking it's toll on my hips. I've gained 12lbs so far, which I guess isn't bad and I tell myself that. But I honestly can't wait to get back to working out, which probably won't happen until mid January with a c-section.
We're still in the housing crisis. We've been lucky that this house hasn't sold yet and our landlord said she is done with that particular real estate agency. I'm really hoping we can get by until the spring before we have to move. I don't like the idea of having to move in the winter or around the holidays and a birth on top of it. And I'm hoping rent prices will return to normal by then which is probably unlikely.
Needless to say with financial stress, the housing stress and the normal family drama, my life hasn't felt very magical at all. I wish I had time to meditate, I think I would feel alot better. But my daughter is on this "lets only sleep 4 hours a night" kick and it leaves me exhausted and as soon as I hit my bed, or anything else comfy, I'm out. And all that lack of sleep takes it toll, especially on a pregnant body.
I think things with my sister are about to hit a boiling point. Lately, I find myself not saying much about things that might bring conflict because I'm just sick of fighting and I don't want my daughter to be around it. But my sister just turned 18 almost 2 months ago and won't get a job. Has never had a job or worked a day in her life. And when we tell her she needs to get a job and she needs to throw some money at the household income around here, even if its only $200 a month, she gets pissed off. She isn't willing to do anything to help out but she expects to have her laptop, her tv, her internet, her cell phone, new clothes and food. And because she has no income and can't buy any of her necessities, she has started using mine. For example, my cosmetics. I now spend double what I would normally spend on makeup. I try to hide it when I can remember but it really annoys me that I just can't keep my cosmetics in my bathroom cabinet, where it belongs. And she will use it up and not say anything, just put it back. So when I go to put on eyeliner or foundation, I find the containers empty.
And another thing is the lack of help. Everyone does their part around here, I may be lacking lately because I hurt so much and I have no energy but I do my best. However, she does nothing except keep her room clean. She won't help with dishes and on the rare occasion that she does then it usually takes a big fight. She doesn't take care of her cats, at all. My mom says to get rid of them but they have been with us for awhile and it's not their fault she won't take care of them. So we just take care of them because you have to, they need you to.
But I have to cut this short because we are having an unplanned family trip to a zoo. But I'll be back to update with pics and more writing because I really did miss writing here. And I have to update my layout and all the buttons.







09/11/10--20:42: Article 4 (chan 2250179)

The zoo was a lot of fun. My baby girl had a blast. She got to feed a bunch of animals and it was great to see her look at everything with so much wonder and amazement.
This pregnancy seems to be moving really fast right now. I seemed to have "popped" out overnight. I'm huge and I feel it. I'm definitely showing a lot more with this pregnancy than I did with my daughter.
Is fall moving in really fast where anyone else is? It is here. The temps have dropped to a very comfortable level, at least for me. The leaves are turning and falling. It's in the air and I love it. I can't wait to start decorating. The best part is that I get to have a baby shower with the fall theme.

I wish I had more to write about right now but I don't. It's late and I'm tired.








10/10/10--01:59: A stressful month (chan 2250179)

Hello everyone
You will have to excuse to lack of updates because shortly after my last entry I got a phone call from my landlord stating there was someone interested in buying our house, which did come as a surprise because a week before that she had the real estate company come and get their sign out of the yard and she told us she was done trying to sell it for now. And on top of it we only had 30 days to find somewhere to live. This came out of nowhere and on top of it there is a extreme housing shortage in this town right now and what places are available are extremely expensive. For example a apartment that was $300 a month a year ago is now $1,500 a month. So we spent weeks and weeks looking and didn't find anything within our budget. I honestly have never been so stressed out in my life. All I kept thinking is that I'm going to be living out of a car with my almost 2 year old and being 7 months pregnant and it's going to be winter soon. I had panic attacks every night and I thought for sure I was going to go into premature labor because of the stress. Another worry was my dog and cat, who are like my kids and I have had a very long time. Getting rid of them isn't an option, especially my dog. He's my dog and he isn't going to go to anyone else and he would have to be put to sleep and I refuse to do that. I've had him for almost 5 years and he's my daughters best friend. We obviously were not going to get a place in 30 days so we called and told the landlord that and we got another 2 weeks to look for a place which was nice but still a bit stressful. This is all coming around the holidays on top of it and we all know that moving is really expensive. But then today we get a phone call saying that the people who are buying the house will let us live here for another 6 months and they would only increase the rent by $100. I had to sit and think about that offer all day. Not because of price but because I do really just want to get out of here and find a place to call home and not have to worry about moving from and get all the moving done before this baby comes and before the snow starts to fall. But I've decided to just tell them that we will do that and in the mean time we can still look for another place and if the perfect place comes along then we can grab it but we won't have that stress of a deadline and the possibility of being homeless.
So as long as everything goes through with the new owners, they stick to their price and they allow things to stay the same - like keeping my cat and dog, then this stress should lift. We can have a few more months to just enjoy the rest of the year and bring this baby boy into the world. But at the same time I feel so disconnected from this house now. I used to love it here but now it just doesn't feel like home at all. I haven't really been able to decorate for Halloween/Samhain. I did put a few for my daughter because she loves pumpkins and kept calling everyone else's decorations pretty but it's nothing like I would have liked it. Which is depressing to me because this is my favorite time of year. Our trip to the pumpkin patch got canceled and our yearly apple picking trip got canceled because of all of this. I know they are just small things and I need to concentrate on the fact that at least we have a roof over our heads for anther 6 months and we will get through the cold months and I am very very thankful for that. I think I can start relaxing now although I won't really be able to relax until we get all the details worked out with the new owners and I know for sure that everything will be ok. In the meantime we will keep looking for a new house and maybe everyone can send some positive energy our way for everything to work out.









03/16/11--11:17: A great giveaway (chan 2250179)

Stop by over at Confessions of a Country Witch because she is having a great giveaway:

CLICK HERE






It's a wonderful basket of goodies from Ocoberfarm









03/16/11--11:57: Time For Spring Cleaning (chan 2250179)

I'm getting this blog back up and running again. It's time for some major spring cleaning. Give me some time though, life is busy with a new baby and a toddler.






03/30/11--23:30: Article 0 (chan 2250179)

Thanks to a wonderful little add on calledFeedly, I can now keep up with all the blogs I follow. It was becoming very difficult with Google Reader. So expect comments from me :)

The kiddos have been having some issues the last few days and they have kept me very busy. My little man is having issues with his poops. First they didn't happen at all and now for the last 2 weeks they have been happening way too much. We switched his formula today and we are hoping it helps but if it doesn't then he has to go have some testing done. And my little diva fell and sliced her chin open pretty bad. There was tons of blood and you could see the fatty tissue sticking out. I'm proud of myself though, I managed to stay calm when everyone else was freaking out. I quickly had her daddy take her into the bathroom and I shut the door and wet a washcloth and told him to apply pressure and to sit in there with her and calm her down while I got things ready to go to the ER. At the ER they offered to do stitches or glue and of course I picked the glue because she had already been through enough pain. She was very brave and I was so proud of her.

On to another set of problems that have sprung up in the last two weeks. After all the housing trouble we had in the past, we had finally been told we could stay here and that no one would be selling our house. We talked to landlord to make sure this was the case so we could finally start unpacking our items and she said we could stay. However, 2 days later she called and said someone was interested in buying the house and that they would be coming to look at it and if they want it then we have 30 days to move out. I was extremely pissed off. I was pissed because she just told us we could stay and she wasn't selling the house and because I can no longer take the stress of being told we have a certain amount of time to find a new home and facing the possibility of being homeless. It's too much to handle. The housing in this area sucks now because of the gas drilling industry. The population boomed to an amount that this town can't handle and rent has went up to unreal prices. Most 2 bedroom apartments are almost as much as our total income for one month. And now with the state cutting funding for pretty much everything (except the things that they like) there's really no help in finding housing.
It's been a few weeks since the landlord was here with people to look at the house and we haven't heard a thing. I'm hoping that's a good thing and that they weren't interested. We are still searching everyday for somewhere else to live because even if they don't buy it I'm just done with this roller coaster. I can't handle the stress. The only good thing about them not being interested is that it would give us time to find somewhere else to live.
That's really it for me, for now. I'm just trying to handle all of this stress. I think I'm going to have to put some magickal workings in the mix to get things going where they need to be for us since nothing else seems to be doing it.
Pleas send us positive thoughts that everything works out for us!
I look forward to reading everyone's blogs again and interacting, it's been a long time.